“Chaos” happens to be one of my most favorite words from the English dictionary. Maybe my fanciness towards this particular word has something to do with the way I tend to lead my life and not to mention every other thing that goes with it. Isn’t it fascinating how simply you can term a subject of such immense periphery with such a simple word? There isn’t really a better terminology out there that may substitute the word “chaos” with just as much meaning and sense.

I mean, just come on, even as I turn my back and take a glance at the room that I pride as being mine, all I see is a sea of crammed mess all congested together. Just the perfect reflection of the life I’m leading. A desk, piled up with loads of papers, notepads, books, CDs and god knows what else; a divan that is more of a compact and gaping kinda version of a closet, I don’t know what else to call it as it is rarely used for the cause it is there on the first place. Well,my dearest mom sometimes do take the initiative to rid the poor thing of all the stuff that it has to cope with every single moment of every single day, but (courtesy to me) in a matter of a couple days or so, all sorts stuffs start to pile up over it; just taking it where it all started from. Read the rest of this entry »


Brainstorming session

March 24, 2006

Can you feel it, the unruffled serenity and tranquility in the air? Do you hear the noxious resonance of silence, the deceased muteness? They say before the storm come the silence. Is that what it is, the tranquil aura that is getting ready to welcome the upcoming storm? You can’t feel it? Than obviously you are not the one who is imposed by a rather packed schedule of series of exams that are banging on the door.

It’s been a lazy kinda day. Lazy in the sense that after quite a few scuttling days I got to spend the whole day in a place I call home. Ironically enough, this home of mine happens to be one of those places that came to spawn a rather awkward combination of feelings; feelings those of both love and hate. Whenever I’m away from home, maybe sitting in the traffic and living the compact life of a chicken sizzling in the oven; or maybe in a classroom, staring blankly on the lips of the professor, hoping to read his lips as the words its been producing didn’t make any sense whatsoever, I really miss my the comfort and the liberty of home. And ironically, whenever I’m actually enjoying the so called comfort and liberty in home, I actually miss being in another place; miss the presence of another group of people. Read the rest of this entry »

There I was, soaked with fatigue, eyes barely kept in focus and longing to bury my head in the warmish comfort of my pillow that was still a good few miles away, resting on top of the heavenly object people refer to as bed, yet standing with a half-hearted effort to be immobile on a leg while comforting the other one, which was possibly the best thing I could offer the poor things after what they have been through the whole day just to ferry me around over the solid sea of soil, concrete and cement. My striving to keep my worn out body immovable did not seem to be much effective against the consistently convulsing interior of the skeletal bus, which, with the courtesy of the driver, was swirling through the ceaseless cluster of multi-wheeled vehicles.

My torso, which was continuously rocking back and fro, suddenly launched forward and almost bumped on the shabby looking fellow standing before me and flapping along with handful of other people including myself inside the searing and sultry core of the bus as it came into yet another stop to add a few more to-be unfortunate individuals to the already congested group of people inside it. With another uproar of curses from the bitter mob directed to the driver, the bus started moving again as my body, yet once again, propelled backwards, complementing the thrust being offered. As the muggy atmosphere inside the bus went a few notches up after the convergence, the congestion of people surrounding me gave the seemingly impression of solid soil and I felt as if I was buried alive with no air to suck, no room to flex my muscles and not even an inch to rest my leg.

I stood there, feeling unsure whether I should ditch all the surrounding chaos or burst out wailing out of desperation. I wish I had chosen the former as freedom was just a few feet away. In any case, I did neither and controlled myself. I tried to figure out what exactly qualified me to be deprived by mother luck for a whole day.

It was supposed to be a different place, a different setting and a different feeling, where I’d be sitting with my family and enjoying the fine cuisine of one of those traditional marriage ceremonies. But rather, I chose to take my regular French class, which was scheduled after another series of classes throughout the whole day. But then, that had been a different place and time when I took the apparent obvious decision of not ditching my classes, being oblivious of the chaotic day that waits ahead. So, that decision deprived me of not only the comfy ride home with the car, but also the feast I was missing.

I cursed all the taxies and cabs that tend to act as if they have been provided with god like abilities and with a simple “yay!” or “nay” they could either bless or ruin the whole day ahead. After all it was in the first place who wouldn’t mind taking the credit for my being late for the morning class, and not to mention their role in forcing me to take the bus which, matter-of-factly, was my only option available to reach home at that time of the night. So, I cursed them as I made my way to the front of the bus while the bus conductor announced that my stop is here. So, after battling my way through the congested band of fleshy figures, I finally got out of the bus.

And there I was, soaked with misery, eyes barely kept in focus and longing to bury my head in the warmish comfort of my bed that was still a good few blocks away, yet standing in the night breeze that seemed nothing less than heavenly blessing during that moment. I stood there, devouring the moment, the cool breeze and the freedom. For the first time in the whole day I felt calm as a sense of serenity took over me; I felt as if I was blessed, blessed at last as lady luck finally smiled upon me. I looked down at my legs; the poor things! “Just a couple more blocks guys and you are done for the day” I assured them or rather myself and started yet another of those nightly strolls in the deserted street when I love to drift away to my own contemplations…